Really.

I-20 had arrived home safely. But still I cannot do my visa with it. A MINOR,MINOR thing crush down my dreams and my hope into pieces.

What written there is June 6, 1990. It supposed to be August 6,1990.

And the Embassy advise me to get a new I-20 from the university. And the university have not answered any of my call or email. I am eff-ing pissed off now.

I am not in the mood for any celebration. *forgive me, Lord.* But one thing I always remember is a bible verse that goes like this. "For God had a plan to prosper you, not to harm you."

I keep myself cool and try to be patient. nervous? Devastated? very. I wish I would settle down by now.

I wish I see some winter coat hung up in my closet now. I am tired of answering people who asking me where I am going to study now, where will I go now. For my life is uncertain.

I feel want to cry. But, I ask myself again, for what?

I feel like my life are sucks and I want to give up. Problems are hard enough, life are not as I expected. But I ask myself again, hard enough compared to what?

I had go through this two years that I finally come into this stage. Hold your head straight, Fyonna. Keep on walking and believing. All God want from you is for you to repent and put everything into His hand. For you to cry to Him, shout to Him that you need Him. What has you done these day? In times of joy, you forget Him.

I really want to give up right now. The time is running out. But none of my sutff are done.