If loving you is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
It was the most wonderful moment that I ever had in my life when we met through the interview. Looking back, I remember the cold treat to you that was given by the snobbish old me. When you are trying so hard to get a place beside and in front of me while we had our meals, when every time you tried to have conversation with me and I just ignored you, and for all the heart breaking things that I had done, please do forgive me.
Remember when I got sick when the interview was still going on? I remember there was a boy that would bought me a 1.5L bottle of mineral water every day. I remember that I was caught by the Corporal when I was about to meet you in the middle of the night just to get my “daily subsidized water supply”.
I still kept my sport shoe. The Power brand one. Ironically, I really hate that shoe. The snobbish old me doesn’t like that shoe because it was not as branded as the one that I usually had. The snobbish old me was used to Adidas franchise stuff. It just not in the world that I decided to bought the Power shoe. I got the same sport shoe as yours and your friends from RMC, I started to realize that not the price that count. It is how we utilized what we got. Thanks for changing me in the way that even you have not realized it.
It was breezy night when first we arrived at the transit camp as we were on the way back to Sarawak after we were done with the interview. That night, you promised me that no mice will bite me as long as I don’t disturb them. That night, you said you miss me even though the hostels were just few meters apart from each other. That night, you asked me what we were up to. And I was remained silent. I never thought you were going to ask such thing to me. Not you, with that Casanova life. Not you, the one that I would like to hook up with. I am taken long time ago by another descent guy. That night, I was bitten by the mice. YOU LIAR!!! The mice did bite me. The blood ran vigorously through my finger. Apparently, I really need to go to hospital. I ran out of the room accompanied by my BFF and my other roommate. I felt so guilty to disturb their beauty sleep with my scream and they need to accompany me to the hospital. We call the gentlemen. None of them answered the call, except for my very own Casanova guy. Thanks to you for willingly wake up in the middle of the night and ran as fast as you could to get me. Thanks for accompanying me throughout the night. Thanks for lending me your shoulder for me to sleep. Thanks for wept out my tears and change my bandage every time I need to change it.
It has been a year when those things happened. You and I were both heading on the way that we had chosen. I thought everything was over when you didn’t even look at me for the last time while we arrive in Kuching Airport. You did told me if there anything in this world that really could help for you to forget me. I thought it was over when you showed me your girl’s picture when I met you for the first time in KL after all this while. I wish you know how much you had broken my heart. I wish you could see the tears that I shed just for you.
I believe that I can’t have all that I wanted. My life goes on without you. No more calls, no more text. You are just a part of my chapter. I don’t even wish that you will find me in any part of this world. Back off!! I hate you to the very end. But, no. you did find me. You did ask me why I am behaved like this. It is not about how busy I am. I lied. I am running away from you. I didn’t mean to make you jealous in purpose. I don’t even know that matter was a serious issue for you. Trust me, I didn’t find any other guy that way better than you. But you know where we stand. I was taken, to meet you and having such feeling is my deadly guilty. You know what the religious was a big matter for us. That night, the night when I was bitten by the furious mice, we did a promise. Under the moon light, there we sat on a bench where you decide to keep the question of the day, “what we are up to?” for the next 4 years.
That promise, I thought it was a formality for a Casanova like you. I don’t know it means the whole world to you. I don’t know that you kept your words seriously.
My life is more colorful than ever when I am with you. Time really change people. I can see you are more mature than before. Being an Air force captain-to-be is really changing you, huh? You are not a boy anymore. You are a man.
I would like to thank you for lots of things that you done for me. Thanks for be with me when I need someone to comfort me. Thanks for weeping out my tears when I was crying. Thanks for cheer me up when I was sad. Thanks for hear all stupid things that I said when I need someone to talk to.
I might not be able to tell you all this by myself. I might not end up with you as what we had dreamt of. You know the fact. I was taken even before I come for the interview. You know it, and why we should gamble on this. Why you still put your little hope on me? Back off, honey. I wouldn’t be able to make it for us. I won’t be able to see you sad. I won’t settle up with you even though you are the greatest thing that happened in my life. I am his. I surely have to keep my words. It’s a lifetime promise; to be with him as long as I breathe. You and I- we, are just not meant to be together. Forgive me. I am going to miss you a lot.
Am I wrong to love the guy who is just nice for me? Am I wrong to have someone that I really want for the rest of my life? Am I wrong to let everything mess up like this? I am doing this to clarify my situation for people who think that I playing around with the boys. No, I am not. I told you my situation here. What are you going to do if you are in my shoes? If you are a girl and care enough about love thingy, help me with your opinion. There is no right or wrong, I believe. It just the matter of from which angle we look at it.
